im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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