singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
