I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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