Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
