ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
