I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
