I wish my penis had an off switch
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
