i think my tv is drunk
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
