Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
