FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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