i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
