hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
