apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
You pole danced in your parka.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
