If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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