speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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