I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
