you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
