im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
