for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
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