You made me cry and you don't even care
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
i believe in u and ur pee
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
