All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
