I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
All I want is dick and wine.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
