I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize