Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
