She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
My ass is underappreciated
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
