I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
