She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
