i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
