don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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