Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
you are never too drunk for berry picking
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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