She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
