Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
