There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
