I saw his package. It spoke to me.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
