Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
third nipple confirmed
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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