I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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