After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
