I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I looked at my own cervix.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
third nipple confirmed
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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