Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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