I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
