Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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