This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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