I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I am puke
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Randomize
