hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
