she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
