Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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