she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
50% drunk capacity currently
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Dicks are not precious.
Randomize
