Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
