Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
