Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
