just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize