Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
