laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
