I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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