I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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