Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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