to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Drunk is a universal language darling
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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