your room smells of hookers.
And success
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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