So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
