I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
