So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
hell yes lets make some ravioli
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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