so that wasnt chicken after all
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
