I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
