Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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