i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I look better un-naked...
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
