Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Randomize
