we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
