There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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