Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
