I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
