There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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