You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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