you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize