Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
